


i like that boulder, that is a nice boulder

by spoopyy



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, I'm very sorry, It's happening, i genuinely hate myself but what else is new, shyan whomst? i only show shrent, slightly nsfw???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 08:11:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12272397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoopyy/pseuds/spoopyy
Summary: “My name is Brent, nice to meet you.”





	i like that boulder, that is a nice boulder

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EAST (WESTAGE)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WESTAGE/gifts).



> s/o to everyone who helped me make the bornt misspellings masterpost!! all misspellings with their original owners can be found  
> [here](https://brentbennett.tumblr.com/post/165451879047/bront-misspelling-masterpost)
> 
> y'all rock and Truly Do Not Deserve This

_ Slap.  _

The shock of the smack reverberates throughout the bedroom, leaving an imprint of a hand on Shane’s face. It stings, but not as much as the verbal humiliation Brent subjects him to. 

_ Slap.  _ Another hit threatens to dislodge the disguise situated on Shane’s visage, and Shane grits his teeth in response. He doesn’t want to give in, he doesn’t want to give Brent the upper hand, to allow Brent to turn him into a shuddering mess. 

“Say my name,” Brent said, this time coupling the slap with a hard thrust. It’s just the right amount of pain, just the right amount of  _ edge,  _ and it hurts but in a good way. 

“Fuck you,” Shane responds, leaving nail marks on Brent’s back. The other man just smirks, laughing. 

“Remember the rules. You can’t come unless you say my name,” Brent reminds, biting Shane’s neck rough enough to leave a mark. Shane tries to suppress a moan but he’s largely unsuccessful and he can hear Brent smile above him. 

“Bront (copywrite ghostwheeze all rights reserved),” Shane mumbles desperate. Brent’s good at putting Shane over the edge, at dragging him into the pits of the abyss.

“Who the fuck is ghostwheeze? Is that a nickname for Ryan?” Brent’s voice comes out harsh, and his eyes blaze much too brightly. “Don’t talk about your boyfriend while I’m fucking you.” It’s bad enough for Brent to demand Shane wear a mask of Ryan’s face in bed, but it’s even worse to hear him talk about Ryan like he isn’t dead.

“Sorry, Brynt,” Shane says, trying again. He’s blaming the ecstacy for his momentary lapse of judgement, but it seems Brent doesn’t buy that because he’s slapping Shane more forcefully now. 

“That’s not my name,” he says, gritting his teeth.

Damn. Maybe Shane’s getting old for his age. The memory loss definitely seems to be setting in. 

“It’s Bronthony, right?” Shane asks, genuinely curious. Brent stops thrusting to look at him. 

“Are you serious right now, or are you messing with me?” Brent asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Uh, of course I’m serious, Brentjamin. Brontosaurus. Brenadryl,” Shane replies. What’s his name, what the fuck is his name? Button, Bernie, Brontwurst? Wait, was Brent in Quantum Relish or is he projecting? 

Brent all but stops. “Dude, really?” he asks, this thrusts slowing down. Great, now how’s Shane supposed to get off to this? “I think the mask is restricting the blood flow to your brain.” Brent carefully takes the Ryan mask off, and Shane takes an exaggerated breath for show. Maybe he can play off his memory loss due to a lack of oxygen. 

“Thanks, Brawny.” The words slip out of his mouth and he knows they’re wrong by the look on Brent’s face. 

“Not fucking cool,” Brent says, pulling out. “I can’t believe you don’t know my fucking name.” 

“I do! I do know your name, Brontdemort. It’s a very nice name, a great name.” Shane liked it better when they were in the throes of passion, not when he’s embarrassing himself for the sake of what’s essentially a joke to a group of tumblr users. But I digress. 

“I’ll give you three tries. If you don’t get my name correct, I’ll do to you what I did you Ryan,” Brent says, laughing. 

“Okay, Bronut,” Shane says. Brent takes a deep breath before replying. 

“One.” It sounds very ominous - too ominous, in fact, and Shane hates it.

“Uh, your name is B’rent,” Shane says. 

“How the fuck did you pronounce the apostrophe?” Brent replies. This is becoming too meta for his liking.

“Sorry, Boil,” Shane replies, and that’s strike three, Shane’s out at the old ballgame. Might as well come clean now, since neither of them seem to be coming anytime soon. “I genuinely don’t  know your name.” 

Brent goes through the five stages of grief all at once: shock, acceptance, and depression flash across his face all at once. He takes a deep breath and holds his hand out for Shane to shake. 

“My name is Brent, nice to meet you.”

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for ruining your life. yell at me on [tumblr](https://brentbennett.tumblr.com/)


End file.
